I'm so excited that Roey Mizrahi is joining us today as our wedding expert guest blogger. Roey and I met about a year ago and have been friends ever since. She's so much fun to be around, has such a great eye for design and of course wedding planning. We hope to collaborate this year for an amazing styled shoot too. I asked Roey to share some of her expert tips on how to eliminate stress when you are planning your wedding. She gives some great advice and I hope you find it helpful! xo, Jainé
Hello! I’m Roey Mizrahi. No, I'm not related to Isaac Mizrahi, although I have no doubt he'd love me and want to adopt me if we ever met. I am a Wedding Planner based in NYC, but provide my planning services worldwide. I have been in the Events Industry for over 5 years and have loved every minute of it. Wedding and Event Planning is not simply just a career, it’s a passion. When planning, I am inspired by every detail of my surroundings, but the most fundamental and influential ingredient is the couple themselves. I believe a perfect and successful wedding isn’t defined by the budget, the location or by the ability to recreate the original inspiration for the Wedding; it is defined by how accurately the event reflects the couple. The personalized and tailored details throughout the event are what create a memorable Wedding for not only the couple, but everyone involved. Enjoy!
Let me say how extremely honored I am that Jainé invited me to be a guest blogger and share insight and advice through a planner's perspective with her wonderful audience.
Whoever told you that being engaged and planning a wedding would be one of the most amazing times in your life, lied. Well, they didn't lie per se, they just omitted the fact that along with the immense and instant joy felt during this time you will also feel great stress, anxiety, doubt, hesitation, frustration, anger and an array of other emotions. Whether its due to the family that’s too involved or too uninvolved, budget or lack of time to consider all the elements, there will come a time or few in the planning process where you'd wish you could just click your heels three times and arrive at your wedding day. Planning a wedding is not easy. It is not a side project; it’s a full time job. It requires knowledge, even more than it requires time. There’s a reason many people like myself have careers dedicated to planning Weddings and Events. Anyone with a 9-5 job, attending school or those with children won't be able to plan it as simply as it's portrayed in the media. I'm here to tell you that the Planning Process should not be a traumatic experience. Below I enlighten you on the biggest stressors related to planning a Wedding and provide you with some professional insight as to how to manage and avoid them.
No. 1 - Engaged? Put the online timeline down.
I might be alone in this piece of advice, but personally I think the worst thing a newly engaged couple can do is focus on those online wedding planning timelines. It’s doing a disservice to you to try and adapt your own planning schedule to the standard others provide. First of all, they are all different and created based on a particular average length of an engagement. Those timelines weren't crafted for you and the length of your personal engagement, so they are not accurate. Why would you want to overwhelm yourself with a task that doesn't need to be accomplished until weeks before the wedding? I promise you, its not helping your sanity and therefore not helping the planning process. PUT IT DOWN or better yet close the tab.
No. 2 - Nod and Smile.
The minute you get engaged you will instantly be bombarded with questions from family, friends, co-workers and random Facebook friends you haven't spoken to in years. "So do you have a date, a venue, did you find a dress, are you going to have a band or DJ?". Not only will these questions be impossible for you to know within minutes after getting engaged, they're also unnecessary for you to know at that very moment. Most will not only ask you these questions but will also provide opinions about what direction you should move forward in. With all do respect, I urge you to acknowledge, ignore and continue to enjoy your engagement. Treat your engagement like you would your wedding day; an amazing time in your life that you expect to only experience once and therefore should be cherished. So when the questions and opinions come, and they will come, just nod and smile politely.
No. 3 - The B-word: Curse of the cost.
No matter how much or how little money you have to spend on your wedding, finances are one of the main culprits of wedding planning stress. I think the initial problem stems from a lack of knowledge and awareness of the individual costs of vendors and services that accumulate to accomplish your ideal wedding. It's not your fault you are unaware of these costs. Most of you have never planned a wedding before, so how would you know about the incidentals? I personally don't really trust those wedding budget calculation apps. They don't give you the budget breakdown for your location and venue so you can already assume there is a level of inaccuracy there. But first things first, who is responsible for the overall bill? Are one pair of parents covering everything, is it shared amongst both, are the two of you taking care of the whole thing, or are certain family members contributing towards specific costs? Having the budget talk between you and your fiancé, as well as your families, is absolutely necessary. No one said it would be fun but it is crucial. I recommend creating a budget document and guideline which will keep you organized, aware of your financials and various payment schedules. You can thank me later!
No. 4 - Avoid the “Friend-Vendor” pandemic.
I know it seems appealing to get your friend who owns a DSLR camera to photograph your wedding, ask your wedding party to assemble all your floral decor the night before or have your friend who plays guitar and "knows people” to form a larger band to provide your musical entertainment to save on expenses. I'm all for having connections and knowing talented, professional people, but professional is the key word here. While it might seem more affordable and therefore stress relieving to have friends assist with décor, entertainment, photography, etc. you potentially risk these items not being accomplished which will create even more stress. Anyone performing tasks for your wedding should be skilled, knowledgeable and held accountable for the service they are guaranteeing you. If you do, for example, opt to have that musician friend of yours play for the ceremony, make sure to draft a contract outlining your needs from them, so your friend is aware of what they are agreeing to. Don't feel awkward about requesting to have a contract between two friends. By doing so you benefit yourself and your friend because it will manage both of your expectations; what they owe you and therefore what you can't additionally request from them.
No. 5 - Hire a Professional.
I know, I know. You're thinking I'm bias because I'm a Planner so of course I'd tell that you that hiring a professional is invaluable towards creating a less stressful environment throughout the planning process. I promise its not because I'm bias, it’s because I'm knowledgeable. I encourage you to reprogram your perception on what a Planner is and does. The range of knowledge, services and assistance a Planner can provide to you is incomparable. Not only can they provide tailored recommendations of the best professionals within your budget and particular aesthetic; your planner will ensure that you are receiving the most value for the items and services you will be acquiring for your Wedding. Your planner will educate you with all the knowledge you need to know and also be able to manage the incidentals that you don't have time to be bothered with. Assist and advise when it comes to etiquette and family dynamics. A Planner will advocate for your choices in order to execute a celebration that exceeds your expectations. But remember quality service costs money. Be prepared to pay for your Planner and it will be the best money ever spent during this process.
No. 6 - Stop Sizing up your Competition.
Between celebrity weddings and all the amazing inspiration we receive from online communities (hello, Pinterest!), blogs and wedding magazines, it makes it exceedingly difficult to define the line between being inspired vs. wanting to replicate these forms of inspiration at your own wedding. Please remember when you gaze upon gorgeous images of weddings, that those couples are not you. These images should only be viewed to inspire, not to make you unhappy about your current decisions, or make you feel disappointed in your financial limitations. Sometimes we must also be reminded that something you might appreciate aesthetically isn't really an accurate representation of who you and your fiancé are nor the type of celebration you want to share with your family and friends. You have yet to be married to one another which means your wedding does not exist yet. Don't flatter others by imitating their direction, create your own.
I hope that after reading this you have a sense of peace, direction and control when it comes to this emotional process you're about to embark on. Remember what its all for; celebrating the unity between two people and two families with those you love. Enjoy!